Things to do when you're bored
by Selina
Summary: *g* Over used self-insertion... plain silly


**__**

So I had nothing better to do than to start uploading all the junk... er... fics I found stored in the dark corners of my computer... If you're as bored as I am, read it, if not...

Boredom

Things to do when you are bored:

  1. Get on the internet.

  2. Go to Fanfiction.net.

  3. Select Animorphs.

  4. Choose a fic you think stinks.

  5. Read the stupid fanfic.

  6. Become very angry.

  7. Write hate mail and threats to the author.

  8. Decide to write your own stupid fanfic.

  9. Put yourself into it.

  10. Decide to go and bother the Animorphs.

**__**

And that brings us to my story...

The Animorphs were all gathered in Cassie's barn, discussing they're next move

Jake was pacing - "The yeerks haven't been up to anything major in almost three months"

"That's a lot of time"

"Maybe they took a vacation or something. I hear travelling's up this time of year" - Jake gave Marco a dirty look - "What?!? Was it something I said?"

"So what do we do now?" - Cassie asked

Everyone shrugged, suddenly... hum...they hum... as I was saying, suddenly... hum... something happened... AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is not working!!

The Animorphs looked around covering their ears because of the terrible scream.

"What was that?" - Rachel asked looking outside.

CASSIE - "It didn't come from out there, it came from inside the barn"

TOBIAS - Okay, who almost deafened me?

Realization dawned on them. Marco ran and shut the barn door, holding it closed

JAKE - "Marco, what'd you doing?"

MARCO - "I am not letting another one of those in here, especially one that's determined to make me deaf"

AX - Prince Jake, is Marco aware that if we are dealing with a fanfic author, a barn door won't hold him out?

**__**

He's right you know... You guys can't just shut me out

RACHEL - "Who said that?"

**__**

Who do you think, genius?

RACHEL - "I meant, which one are you?"

TOBIAS - Which fanfic author, she means

**__**

I'm Selina, and yes, I'm new at this.

The Animorphs swallowed hard. They gave each other a strange look. Marco was the first to speak

MARCO - "Oh great, it's these new authors that worry me the most. So, what are you going to do? Torture us, squash us like bugs, as bugs? Or maybe just send us around from one stupid story to another? It's like 'Oh, I'm new at this so I can make mistakes' every time you mess us up..."

**__**

Are you trying to mock me, Marco? Well... ARE YOU??

MARCO - "Hum...no."

**__**

Good, now then, let's see if I can do this right, I've never put myself into a story before

Selina materializes herself and looks at Marco

SELINA - "Is this better?"

Marco nodded. Jake came up to Selina

JAKE - "So...what fanfic did you write?"

SELINA - "Crossing Paths."

Rachel sprung up from where she was sitting - "You wrote that... that... why can't I find the words to describe it?"

Selina shrugged and forged a smile, carefully hiding a small closed insult box in her hands so the others wouldn't see. Rachel managed to finish anyway - "I hated it."

SELINA - "You would. Don't worry, it wasn't anything personal, I actually hate the stories that you and Tobias don't end up together."

Than why did you write one? - Tobias asked

SELINA - "Cause I'm a hypocrite?"

MARCO - "I know, you're one of those 'I'll just insert myself into the story and make my favorite character fall in love with me', right?"

"No. And I'm warning you, Marco. I was extremely nice to you in my fanfic, don't make me change it now... "

"So, why are you here?" - Cassie asked nicely to avoid ticking off the fanfic writer and ending up in some fic where she goes crazy and kills herself.

Selina waves her hand and a chair appears in the middle of the barn. She drops on it and sighs - "I was just bored."

"And so naturally, you come pay us a visit." - Jake offered, she nodded

RACHEL - "Aren't you a bit old to be writing Animorphs fanfiction?"

SELINA - "Hey, watch it... That reminds me of something, there's someone I want you guys to meet"

She snapped her fingers and a short, plump, white skinned girl appeared with oven mittens in her hands. She stood still for a moment, trying to figure out where she was, then she saw Selina. Her bluish green eyes flickered for a moment. She put her hands on her waist and gave Selina a look of disapproval

"Selina!!! I told you, every time you want to send for me, all you have to do is call! What am I doing here anyway? And why aren't you in character?"

Selina looked at herself embarrassed - "I forgot. Oh, never mind, I'll change into it later"

TOBIAS - AHEM 

"Sorry to break up the reunion, but who is she?" - Rachel asked pointing at the short girl

"Who am I? I'm Gweneth... who are you guys?" - she looked at all the Animorphs, then turned to Selina while pointing at Ax - "Who's the sorry excuse for an alien? Didn't you have a better one? I mean, look at him. Four eyes, two look like antennas, and what's up with the color blue anyway?"

SELINA - "Uh, Gwen. These are the Animorphs, you remember them"

Gweneth turned to them again and this time her face lit up with an evil smile

"Oh, the Animorphs huh?" - she rubbed her hands together and the Animorphs felt a chill go up their spine

"Where's the bird-brain?" - she asked

"I think she means you, Tobias" - Marco said, looking at the hawk, who had wisely moved towards the shadows

TOBIAS - Thanks a lot, Marco

GWEN - "Come here birdie, let's see what I can do with you..."

She started to reach out to grab him, but Selina got up and grabbed her arm

SELINA - "Hey, remember the conditions you agree to when you enter a story"

What conditions? - Ax, who was very angry, no one knows why, asked

SELINA - "She can't bother any of my favorite characters, in exchange for that, she gets to change the story around"

Tobias sighed relieved, while Marco swallowed hard. Suddenly, they heard a distant RING RING RING

SELINA - "Damn, I gotta go answer the phone. Gwen, could you take care of the story for a moment?"

Gweneth's eyes lit up - "Sure, no problem" - she gave Tobias a side look

SELINA - "Gweneth, promise me you won't do anything I wouldn't"

GWEN - "I promise" - no one saw her cross her fingers.

Selina waved her hand and disappeared. Gweneth turned to the Animorphs and smiled a 'friendly' smile.

"So, Gweneth, what's up with the waving thing?" - Marco asked in a 'matter of fact' way. She smiled at him

GWEN - "It doesn't have to be waving... Jake, right?"

On the other side of the room, Jake gasped - "I'm Jake, he's Marco"

GWEN - "Oh, right, I'll try and remember that. I keep getting the two of you mixed up"

RACHEL - "You get Marco mixed up with Jake? What are you, blind or something?"

TOBIAS - Hum... I don't think that was a very smart idea Rach - he said just as Gweneth spun around to face Rachel

GWEN - "Let's see just how confused I can get"

She snapped her fingers and Rachel felt a weird feeling go through her body. She felt kind of dizzy and when her vision cleared, she was looking at herself, she rubbed her eyes and only them she saw her hands. She screamed and so did the other her

"Hey! What did I do to deserve this?" - Cassie, in Rachel's body asked.

GWEN - "You were born."

RACHEL in Cassie's body - "Put us back"

Gweneth seemed to ponder for a while, then - "No, not gonna happen"

MARCO - "Great, this is just great"

GWEN - "I'm glad someone is enjoying himself, I aim to please"

MARCO - "I was being sarcastic"

GWEN - "Like I care... I have an idea, let's go on a little trip, to the pool. Everyone have their swimsuits with them?"

The Animorphs all stared at her in disbelief letting out a single - "WHAT?!?"

GWEN - "Oh, never mind that, you can go like this"

AX - Go where? 

GWEN - "To the pool"

They vanished from the barn and found themselves overlooking a pool, the yeerk pool

MARCO - "Miss, I think the water's dirty. Can't we go somewhere else?"

GWEN - "Don't try to be funny, Marco. You don't do a very good job. Hum... I have a feeling I'm forgetting something very important... but what?"

She started pacing around the pool, looking thoughtful. The Animorphs looked around the scenery, it was the yeerk pool, but the cave-like complex was less dark and there were no controllers, no Hork-Bajir, and they were very happy to realize, no Visser 3. Ax approached the pool

AX - At least there don't seem to be any Yeerks in the pool 

GWEN - "That's it! That's what I was forgetting, the slugs"

RACHEL in Cassie's body - "Great going Ax"

MARCO - "You just had to say it didn't you? Now we're doomed"

GWEN - "Over here guys" - she signaled a few men in uniforms carrying large containers - "Just dump them in the pool"

The men emptied the contents into the pool and left

GWEN - "Now everything is just perfect. The Animorphs are all here, there are a lot of yeerks in the pool... Ok, who wants to dive in first?"

JAKE - "Everyone morph something small" - they closed their eyes and started to concentrate

GWEN - "Not so fast. Although the thought of stepping on you and squashing you like roaches as roaches is not bad, I have other ideas in mind"

The Animorphs opened their eyes and to their despair, realized they were still human

CASSIE in Rachel's body - "What did you do?" - she pointed to some things around their wrists

GWEN - "Cool, huh? I borrowed them from the fanfic author supply room, but I've gotta return 'em in two hours, 'cause someone else wants them"

MARCO - "We've really been enjoying your company and everything, but when is Selina coming back? You know, your friend, the one who didn't want to kill us?"

GWEN - "She's not gonna be back any time soon. And just for that little comment, you're going in first"

She got up behind Marco and started to push him towards the pool with amazing strength for someone that size. Marco tried to slow down or stop by using his feet, while trying to reach out to something

MARCO - "Hey! I thought Tobias was the one you hated the most!"

Gweneth stopped pushing and Marco fell on his back with a large PAH BOOF! (© Gweneth Shear 1998) when he hit the ground. Gweneth searched around with an evil grin in her face

GWEN - "I had almost forgotten about bird-brain. Oh, Tobias? Where are you?"

TOBIAS - Marco, you are dead meat! 

Gweneth spots a feathered tail behind Rachel in Cassie's body and grabs it before Rachel in Cassie's body can stop her. A small cage mysteriously appears out of thin air and Gweneth stuffs Tobias in it. She laughs while watching him trapped in the cage

GWEN - "Now just try and morph human in there. Go ahead, do it! Morph human!"

RACHEL in Cassie's body - "Don't Tobias!"

JAKE - "T--"

GWEN - "Shut up Jake!"

CASSIE in Rachel's body - "He can't morph in there, it's too small!!"

GWEN - "He he he, I know... he he... that's the point... he he he. Morph human Tobias! Do it NOW!!! Or... I'll make Rachel fall in love and marry... Ax!"

AX - Hey! I was way over there, minding my own business!

GWEN - "Like I care, freaky alien"

JAKE - "Yo--"

GWEN - "Shut up" - she turned to Tobias - "Well, what are you waiting for, feather-breath? The wedding? Morph! Now!"

__

Leave him alone!!

CASSIE in Rachel's body - "Who's that?"

TOBIAS - Is Selina back?

GWEN - "Sorry, but that's not Selina. The letters aren't black, they're only in italics"

__

Gweneth! It's me, Erin

Another girl materializes in front of them, light brown hair, green eyes. She walks up to where Gweneth was holding Tobias's cage.

ERIN - "Selina told me she'd left you in charge of the story, so I came to make sure you weren't torturing poor Tobias over here"

MARCO - "Why doesn't anybody feel sorry for the rest of us?"

Gweneth rolled her eyes and she and Erin said in unison - "Shut up Marco!"

ERIN - "Let him go Gweneth, I'm not letting you hurt him"

GWEN - "Oh really? What can you do? This is Selina's fic and as co-author and advisor I am in charge of the story in her absence. So, Erin dear, what can you do to save your beloved Tobias?"

Gweneth gave a victorious laugh while she looked at the defenseless Tobias. Then she saw the dagger in Erin's hand. Very, very sharp blade with some jewels incrusted on the handle. Gweneth backed away a bit, a scared look in her eyes

GWEN - "You wouldn't..."

ERIN - "Let him go"

CASSIE in Rachel's body - "Let's not resort to violence here, ok?"

Erin looked at her surprised - "Rachel, not wanting violence?!? Gwen, what did you do?" - Gweneth smiled a bit, then the two of them went on preparing to fight it out

MARCO - "Hey, I say we keep out of it. They wanna fight, let them!"

RACHEL - "Wanna cheer?"

MARCO - "Ok, I bet two bucks on the maniac with the knife"

AX - I'm not sure Marco. That knife is not really big. I think the escaped lunatic wins.

TOBIAS - It's a dagger, and I'll bet five bucks on the one that doesn't want me crushed to death. At least if I lose I won't have to pay up...

Gweneth suddenly looked at her watch and smiled - "Oh, look at the time. It's dark outside by now and I do believe we're in the story world, so bye bye Erin"

Erin screamed as her skin became feathers, her hands became wings dropping the dagger. With the wave of a hand, a cage appeared around Erin, who had now become an eagle and was desperately flapping her wings.

MARCO - "What just happened here?"

GWEN - "I'll explain some other time"

JAKE - "Expla--"

GWEN - "Be quiet!"

JAKE - "Why w--"

GWEN - "Shh!!"

JAKE - "..won't y--"

GWEN - "Shut up!"

JAKE - "let me--"

GWEN - "Shh! Quiet!"

JAKE - "..talk?"

GWEN - "Because I don't feel like listening to you, duh. Now, put a sock in it!"

She snapped her fingers and a huge sock was shoved into Jake's mouth. He tried desperately to remove it, but it was glued there.

JAKE - "Mmmf mmmf mmmf"

GWEN - "That's better. Now where was I? Oh, yes, killing Tobias"

RACHEL in Cassie's body - "Why do you hate him so much?"

GWEN - "No special reason, I just do. It's an allergic reaction to silly characters, I think"

TOBIAS - Isn't anybody going to get me outta here???

GWEN - "Sure, why not? Let me just give you to someone to take care of for a while"

She walked over to a large table, where there was an elderly woman standing next to it. The sweet old lady smiled

MARCO - "Uh... is it just me or was that thing not there a second ago?"

JAKE - "Mmmf mmmf"

MARCO - "I think I can get used to Jake like this, he he he"

GWEN - "Hi, grandma. I brought someone over for dinner" - Gweneth handed the cage over to the sweet old lady, who smiled at Tobias

TOBIAS - Guys... I have a bad feeling about this...

GRANDMA - "Hello birdie. You came just in time for dinner"

MARCO - "Humm, I'm starving... What are we having?"

GRANDMA - "I don't know... what are you dear, a hawk?"

TOBIAS - GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

The sweet harmless old lady grabbed a big butcher's knife and smiled at Tobias - "Don't worry birdie, you won't feel a thing... Gwen dear, could you get him out of the cage?"

Gwen nodded and Tobias was no longer in the cage, he was on the table, his talons and wings immobilized. Rachel in Cassie's body started running towards them, but tripped over her own legs and fell to the ground

RACHEL - "I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!"

AX - YOU CAN'T JUST KILL HIM LIKE THAT!

CASSIE - "PLEASE LEAVE HIM ALONE!!"

TOBIAS - HELP!!!!

MARCO - HUM... I'M NOT HUNGRY ANYMORE..."

JAKE - "MMMMMF MMMMMF"

GWEN - "IS THE CAPS LOCK STUCK AGAIN? TESTING... TEST... Test... That's better, now, let's get on with dinner. Let me just get ready. Good thing I was expecting this"

The camera crew aimed a bunch of spot lights on the table while security made sure the Animorphs didn't interfere. Gweneth sat down in the director's chair with a big bowl of popcorn and a cup of soda.

GWEN - "Ready when you are, grandma. Camera, lights, action! I've always wanted to say that. I've always wanted to say that too."

Grandma held Tobias's neck in place and raised the butcher's knife...

**__**

Gweneth, what in the world are you doing?

GWEN - "Selina! Hi... I was just... hum... I was just going to...So, who was it on the phone?"

SELINA - "Killer25A asking what we had to study for tomorrow's test... You're not getting away with it that easy. What's your grandmother doing with Tobias and a butcher's knife at the same time?"

GWEN - "Hum... we were just... Camera people, shoo! Bye grandma"

GRANDMA - "Bye, Gwen. We'll cook birdie here later"

She and the camera crew vanished and Selina gave Gweneth an angry look

SELINA - "You were going to cook Tobias?!? I leave this story for a few minutes to answer the phone and you almost kill the characters!!! By the way, I popped over to your house and turned off the oven"

GWEN - "My brownies!! Did they get burned?"

Selina nodded solemnly and Gweneth dropped to her knees and began to cry

GWEN - "Why did my brownies have to over bake? Why, God? Why?"

RACHEL in Cassie's body screams - "She almost kills Tobias and she cries over a few stupid brownies?!? She's nuts"

Gweneth jumped on Rachel in Cassie's body and started punching her - "Brownies are not stupid!!"

SELINA - "Hey, break it up! Gweneth, untie Tobias and say you're sorry"

GWEN - "Do I have to?"

SELINA - "Hum... let me think... YES!!"

GWEN - "Oh, alright. But from now on when you ask me to take over a story I won't do it"

MARCO - "Thank God!"

Gweneth gave him a dirty look and he shut up. She untied Tobias and said she was sorry. Selina looked away for a moment and Gwen whispered - "Next time you won't be so lucky"

Selina was taking the sock out of Jake's mouth, when she saw the eagle in a cage. She turned to Gweneth

SELINA - "Gwen? Who's that? The Animorphs are all here, Rachel, Tobias, Ax, Jake, Marco, Cassie..."

CASSIE in Rachel's body - "I'm Cassie, she's Rachel"

Selina looked at Gweneth and shook her head - "You really do love to change people around, don't you?" - she tried not to laugh. The key word here is 'tried', no one said anything about succeeding.

GWEN - "Just 'cause I'm feeling in a good mood today, I'll change them back"

SELINA - "Who's in that cage Gweneth?"

GWEN - "Hum... oops"

Gweneth starts to pace away discretely hoping no one notices. Selina picks up the dagger and looks at the cage, then at Gweneth - "Tell me that's not Erin"

GWEN - "Hum... that's not Erin?"

SELINA - "Gweneth, aren't you ever going to change? Let her out!! And change it to morning outside"

Gweneth reluctantly opened the cage and the eagle flew straight towards her, she ducked just in time. The eagle landed on the floor and started to become Erin again, a very mad Erin

ERIN - "GWENETH! I AM SO NOT HELPING YOU STUDY FOR THE TEST TOMORROW!! I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU EVER AGAIN!!!"

GWEN - "Yeah... yeah... yeah... I've heard that before"

JAKE - "Can we go home now?" - he took out a thread from his tongue

TOBIAS - I'm sorry I ever ate birds at some point in my life

MARCO - "Can we please get the hell out of this stupid fic?"

Selina gave him an angry look, but then melted it into a smile, an evil smile. She looked at Marco and narrowed her eyes a bit. He was expecting to be turned into something or be thrown into the pool, instead, Selina just smiled - "Sure, let's go home"

They all found themselves back in Cassie's barn were it all began.

SELINA - "Bye bye all. Oh, and by the way, you haven't seen the last of me yet."

Gweneth and Erin were still arguing when they disappeared with Selina. The Animorphs were left alone in the barn once again.

RACHEL - "That was definitely weird"

AX - Could have been worst

JAKE - "Come on, let's get home" - he reaches up to his lips and pulls out a thread - "well, it could have been a lot worst"

**__**

The Animorphs all went home praying that I never got bored again... but we all know that's not gonna happen, and I will be back...

The End...

I have a faint impression that I'm forgetting something...

In a deserted yeerk pool, a boy sat alone

MARCO - "Guys, this is not funny. C'mon... you can't just leave me here... Get me out of here... guys? Anyone? Selina? Get me out of here!!!! Get me out.... please??"

**__** **__**

So, was that a nice change from my usual writing style or should I just give it up and go back to my own domain? Oh, and anyone wanting an explanation on why one of my best friends turns into an eagle and the other is an escapee from the nut clinic just down the street can just let me know, and I'll try to explain it next time... and there will be a next time...

Now if that's good or bad, I still don't know...


End file.
